Doldrums
Is that how you spell that? This job has really gotten me down. Even the first sales job I didn't really want wasn't bad at first - and it paid pretty well and I liked the people I was spending eight hours with each day.
The reality kicked in when I got laid off in September - even though I have many of the requisite skills for sales, I'm not smarmy, I don't deal with stress very well and I'm not super-organized. The stress thing is relative - I can withstand quite a bit, but when it's all beurocracy and bullshit and has no grounding in reality, I tend to lose my grip. When I have clear, logical goals in front of me, I'm hard to stop (or even contain!)
I'm afraid that putting material stuff (house, cars, computers) may have driven me a bit in the past even though I don't like to think of myself that way. I think I started ascribing different levels of success to my age and thought "I should have that by now."
I mean, I know better, yet I still let myself get trapped in this mentality. My wise and kind wife keeps reminding me that we're totally portable and we could easily sell the house and swap out cars and lessen the burden on me to make a certain amount of money. The problem is, now that we're in this house, it would suck to give it up. I'd feel pretty bad if, because of my lack of self-awareness, we felt forced to make that change.
So, I'm looking for an escape hatch. If anybody has any real suggestions for where to look for a job, I'll try just about anything at this point. I've become knowledgable in risk management, direct marketing, and business software. I'd be just as happy back in logistics (shipping/receiving/warehouse stuff). Beyond that, I know a little about a lot of different things.
If I find something good, I'll be buying beer and cooking brats in our backyard and y'all are invited. Hope the weather holds out...
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10 comments:
You're a success in my book, Chris B.
I can see what you mean about not wanting to give up the house. I'd like to get into one! However, it is only stuff, and that's not the most important thing in life.
Remember that the 30's are the new 20's - I'm runnin' out of new 20's, myself!
Chippendale?
"I think I started ascribing different levels of success to my age and thought "I should have that by now.""
If a had a dollar for everytime I thought that one!
ChrisB, all joking aside, I know EXACTLY where yr coming from. I feel for you -- I did the whole paralegal thing with a very intense goal to be making AT LEAST 40K by the time I was 38. I had my eye on fucking LAW SCHOOLS. I had to step back when I burned out from 12 day work weeks.
I learned how much stress I can handle and what KIND of stress I can handle. At my current job, I'm making "okay" money wage wise, but the position is only funded for 32 hours per week, which makes paychecks smaller. The stress of dealing with the homeless can get intense, but I can deal with this type of stress -- I couldn't deal with the "This 30 page legal brief must get to the atty by Monday and all these OTHER forms MUST be at the courthouse by TOMORROW, plus this atty wants that, and this atty needs 6 summaries NOW and fuck! 6 more court dates announced and ... You get the idea.
Life is too short to spend 5 days out of 7 feeling unhappy.
I still need more money, but I have some great perks where I am now -- no one over my shoulder micro-managing, can leave at just about any time I like, wonderful boss and co-workers, etc.
Maybe you could somehow figure out how much less you could make bill and life-style wise to keep what you have and find a job that pays less but allows you more time for walks that Nina in the park? Step it down a bit?
In anycase, you are the Hipster King of DeKalb. To thine self be true.
Word.
I'm sorry for venting like this again and taking advantage of the folks that have come to expect Japanese gameshow clips with lizards. I am a pretty happy-go-lucky guy and I think I was short a few hours of sleep when I wrote that. I'm sure I've written the same crap before and I'll probably write something similar yet again.
I feel a lot better today as thing kind of fell in place and I took control of the job a little better. Rather than let people yell and scream, I said "No." That was surprisingly effective. Some days I want to stay in bed, some days I own the joint. Today was the latter. Yesterday, I wrote this original post.
Chris the internet is for venting. That's what it is there for.
That and porn.
Maybe if you tied meat to your head...?
It is Friday...
Chippendale?
Here's my 2 cents. My marriage is coming apart and that is very sad but the first thing I thought of after asking myself, "What am I going to do without her?" was "Whatever the fuck I want." I am not beholden to my wife's standards for living anymore and I am going back to the restaurant biz. I love cooking and when I had to give it up and put the old suit back on and go to my cubicle every day, it broke my heart.
I guess you need to sit down and figure out what standard you are willing to accept and then figure out what you can do to support that that will also make you happy. Don't sit in an office and daydream about winning the lottery. That is a waste of your life.
Life is precious. What's a house or a car if you are miserable most of the time? I am going from being a homeowner with a household income that made me think I was rich to renting a tiny apartment and making jack squat. But the work I am going to be doing is what makes this whole thing manageable. I am going to be happy at work. I like the sound of that.
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